The Words You Say To Unbreak A Heart
by coffeevixen84
Summary: Finn/Rachel interaction following the feelings-for-Quinn confession in the Season 2 promo.


The Words You Say To Unbreak A Heart

Disclaimer: Yeah, I own nothing. Damn near literally.

Author's Note: Hello, fellow Gleeks! This is my first posted Glee fic...so, you know, be gentle. This is inspired by the Season 2 promo where Finn tells Quinn he still has feelings for her, followed by the shot of a very sad-looking Rachel. Finn and Rachel are possibly out-of-character here, as they are being used to fulfill my sick, persistent need for sappy angst/angsty sap. For this, I'm truly sorry. But, maybe you'll like it anyway... *crosses fingers hopefully*

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"Rachel?"

She heard Finn call her name softly from the door to the choir room and quickly held her breath to try and silence her sobs, hoping he'd think the room empty and leave. But as if he could sense her presence, he stepped further in and stopped just at the edge of the piano, glancing around momentarily before catching her seated form on the floor, knees tucked tight up to her chest, as she rested her back against the door to Mr. Schue's office.

His face, the one that she had memorized from a summer's worth of frequent adoration, shifted in confusion and concern before landing on what she feared was pity.

She was struck in that moment at how odd it was, that while he was why she sat crying in the first place, she still knew that he was the only one who had any chance at comforting her. There were so many disadvantages to having your best friend and boyfriend be one in the same.

When the boy you love wants someone else, it's rather inconvenient to want to cry about it on _his_ shoulder.

She knew she'd ended up in the choir room mostly because she'd had to duck away quickly to keep from being seen by Quinn, as the restored Cheerio walked smugly down the hall. But despite sitting on the floor so she couldn't be seen from the door, despite herself entirely, she knew she'd also run here in secret hopes that he would find her anyway.

What she expected him to do or say if he did, though, was anyone's guess.

He sighed, lightly, before lowering his large frame down beside her, folding his long limbs in a series of complicated movements that somehow managed to look both awkward and graceful at the same time. Once he was settled he just sat quietly for a few moments, and she knew he was thinking very carefully about whatever he was going to say. She only allowed herself to watch him through her peripheral vision but the thoughtful set of his lips and scrunch of his brow were unmistakable. She loved it when he made that face.

Really, she loved just about every face he made. And that's why she'd deluded herself into thinking they were doing so well after an entire summer of dating. It had been three months of getting to know new sides of eachother, deeper sides, and she'd been continuously delighted to find that she truly loved every single part of him. Even the ones that were less than ideal compared to the clichéd fantasy she'd built around him in the beginning, the real Finn, flesh and blood Finn, was practically perfect in her eyes. And when it was just the two of them, the look on his face had led her to believe he was a pretty big fan of flesh and blood Rachel, too.

But now she knew that was only when there was no one else around to compare her to. No one with blonde-silk hair and a perfect nose and bright green eyes, anyway.

Rachel Barbara Berry was a smart girl, and she knew it. She was also the powerful combination of talented and hard working. And she knew she had certain qualities that a boy might find attractive. But she also knew, beyond any doubt, that she was no Quinn Fabray. And while that would not stop her from being on Broadway, from being a star, it might stop her from being with Finn Hudson. And that thought hurt so much.

She was shaken from her sad internal monologue when Finn shifted slightly beside her, his arm brushing against her shoulder in a way that made her skin tingle even while a new stream of tears slipped from her eyes. The hesitance in his voice didn't help either.

"So, I feel like I know why you're crying."

She could feel that he was turning his head to look towards her, but she bowed her head slightly and dropped her gaze to her lap. She couldn't look at his eyes when he broke her heart again. She knew she'd see sadness and regret there, she knew he didn't _want_ to hurt her, but she didn't want to feel sorry for how hard this must be for him. She already felt bad enough.

"But I don't know how to say why I don't think you should be."

In addition to caution, his voice also held frustration, and she could hear that his own words had left him as perplexed as she was.

What did he mean?

When he didn't begin to speak again, she risked looking at him and was momentarily breathless at the way he was looking at her. It was intense, and pained, and yet loving all at once, and she really didn't know what he was getting at. This break up was not going like she expected it too. He seemed to take in her fragile, confused face and looked away with a clearing headshake before licking his lips to start over.

"Last summer, when I was dating Quinn, I never thought about my feelings much. I guess partly because it wasn't a very cool-guy thing to do, but maybe more just because it never occurred to me to think about them. Like, we just started dating because the head cheerleader and the quarterback _should_ date. And then I figured I must love her because a guy _should_ love his girlfriend. And everything was easy and the way I'd been told it was supposed to be, or something, so I never had a reason to actually think about any of it."

Rachel was sure her expression still conveyed how lost she was, but Finn seemed to think he knew where he was going now, so he continued.

"But then Glee happened. And you happened. And without meaning to, I started to think about you, which made me think about Quinn, which made me wonder about a lot of stuff, like, did I like her, or did I like you, and was I happy, and deep things like that. And I started thinking about my feelings, but I really couldn't figure them out. And the baby stuff just made that worse. A lot of the time I didn't want to think about my feelings, because I was afraid that what I felt really wouldn't be in line with what I had to do, but I couldn't stop the thoughts even when I tried."

He swallowed a little before continuing, and Rachel was momentarily distracted from all the heavy around her, and around him, by how beautiful he could look when he was suddenly trying not to cry.

"Then you told me about Puck and Quinn, and for the first time I knew what I felt. Without any doubt. I didn't have to think. And no one had to tell me." He shook his head a little as his face grimaced in memory. "I felt bad. Awful. I felt used and worthless and stupid and hurt and guilty and angry and a lot of other words I barely even understand usually. I was so upset because of Puck's betrayal. I guess I'd always felt like he was a brother to me, but now I had to feel like I'd lost one. And I felt so ashamed for how I treated you, and all because of a lie. I'd used you, someone I now realized I really cared about and who cared about me, for a girlfriend who'd cheated and a baby that wasn't mine." He paused again for just the briefest of breaths, but he looked a little fearful as he began again. "But I think, the biggest reveal of all, was that I suddenly knew how much I must have cared for Quinn because it wouldn't have hurt so much if I hadn't loved her, at least a little."

Rachel gulped at that. It wasn't really news. She'd seen his post-Babygate devastation up close and knew that he wasn't just angry, but also heart broken. Still, loving him like she did, hearing about his love for Quinn was never going to be something she could swallow easily.

He eyed her carefully, gauging her reaction. She nodded, just slightly, to get him to continue. She didn't know why he wasn't just dumping her quickly, but she knew him well and Finn never took the time to say things he didn't really think he needed to say. So she'd listen all the way through. Even if it killed her.

"Anyway, after time started to pass, what I was feeling stopped being so clear again. And it seemed to be changing all the time. One minute I didn't feel as angry, or I'd feel relieved, but then I'd see her or him or a random baby in a stroller, and then it would be bad all over again. I sometimes wondered if it was starting to hurt less, or if I was just getting used to the pain. Like building up a tolerance. And I was so confused about you, Rachel. Never about whether or not I cared about you, because by then I knew I really, _really_ did. But I was confused about what I wanted, and about whether everything else that was going on inside me was just too much."

He paused and looked into her eyes again, so earnestly. "It wasn't until I'd lost you that I knew how stupid it was possible for me to feel. Way more stupid even than over thinking I could get a girl pregnant and still be a virgin at the same time." He shook his head at himself, the side of his lip almost pulling up into an embarrassed smile.

"I started really thinking about my feelings because I had so many that I didn't know what else to do with them. When Jesse was here I thought about jealousy, sadness and regret. Loneliness. And when Jesse left I thought about relief, and anger for you and happiness for myself. When Puck and I slashed those tires I thought about family. About how the difference between a brother and a friend is that a friend isn't your friend once you don't like them anymore, but a brother's still your brother, no matter what. "

Rachel's attention broke for a moment, marveling at the simple poetry that was Finn Hudson's heart. He was truly a thing of beauty.

She was going to miss him.

"When I told you I loved you before Regionals, Rachel, I had thought about it first. For, like, ever. Maybe you thought it just slipped out, in the moment, without me thinking. 'Cause I know you know that I do say things without thinking a lot. But this wasn't like that. I'd really thought about whether or not I loved you, and then I just _knew_ that it was true. I felt it, and I wanted you to know. I'd originally planned to tell you in a much cooler way, but I was so sure that I couldn't wait to say it anymore."

Rachel felt her heart swell and ache. Him, talking about loving her, with such conviction, such certainty, made an unbelievable warmth start to spread through her body. But then she remembered what she had just heard in the hallway. And how this was all in the past. And all her breath left her body as she wondered what she could have done since that night to bring them to this moment, where she was bracing herself for the end.

He took a deep breath and pushed away from the wall slightly, adjusting his long legs and turning his towering body to face her before taking her hand in his own. "Loving you, it was the most amazing feeling I'd ever had. And when you agreed to be my girlfriend, it somehow got even better. And I didn't want to miss a second of feeling that good. It's like I didn't even realize what loving Quinn felt like until it was the hurting part. I didn't want that to happen with you. So all summer, I've thought about my feelings. How you make me feel. How it feels to hear you laugh and hold you and just be with you. The rush I get when we kiss. The excitement of getting to see you soon when I'm on my way to your house. The, like, peace, or whatever, that time we fell asleep on the blanket in the park? It's not even on purpose anymore, I just pay attention now or something. To what's going on inside."

She was more confused than ever. He was saying beautiful, perfect, wonderful things but they didn't make sense with what was happening. He had feelings for Quinn. She heard it with her own ears. Saw Quinn's bright, victorious smile with her own eyes. She had never really had his problem of not knowing what she was feeling until right in this moment.

"Seeing Quinn again now that we're back at school, the anger's mostly gone, but there's a bit of hurt still there. And I know it's 'cause I still care. And I also feel bad, because now that I've had time to think about it, I know I really hurt her too. And while she wasn't perfect, she didn't deserve that. It's like that word you said once? The one that sounds like being sick but is about memories?"

Rachel thought a moment. "Nostalgia?"

"Yes! It's that. I think about Quinn sometimes, and how, as awful as things got, they didn't start that way, and I wonder if, maybe if I'd never joined Glee, I could have ever been as happy with her as I am now. But, you know, I don't think I could have been. Because without Glee there'd be no you, and without you, I don't think I'd be able to be this happy, I don't think I'd even be able to be, well, me. If that makes sense?"

She nods without realizing it, a smile starting to slowly spread across her face. She was feeling now like this conversation was headed somewhere very different than where she'd thought it was.

"This is taking me longer than I thought. God, I don't think I've ever talked this much. But I think you're crying because you heard me tell Quinn that I have feelings for her. And maybe because I haven't told you I have feelings for you. Not since Regionals, anyway. And I'm sorry for that, I just thought you knew. I do have feelings for her because once upon a time I loved her, and my whole life changed because of her...twice, and all of that has faded, really faded, but it's not all the way gone yet. But, what I feel for you? Is so much bigger. And it's doing the opposite of fading. It's getting brighter, every day. This summer was the best summer of my whole life, because you were there. And I'm happier than I've ever been, because I like who I am when I'm with you. Rachel, I love you. More than I loved Quinn then. And definitely way more than whatever I feel for Quinn now. So _please_ don't cry."

But Rachel was crying even harder now than when he'd walked in. However, her cheeks almost ached now from how wide she was smiling. His face, his gorgeous face, was full of hope and honesty and his eyes watched her closely, eager for her response. The crying wouldn't stop, but she could feel herself starting to laugh too, she was so happy. And on the verge of bursting with relief and joy, she just couldn't find words. She leaned in to him, throwing her arms around his neck and quickly climbing onto his lap. He let out a puff of surprised breath and then a light chuckle as she began peppering his neck and jaw with kisses while she dampened his cheek with her tears.

"Finn...Oh, Finn." The only word she could manage was his name, her voice thick with gratitude and love.

"I take it, you understand now? Why I said what I said?"

She pulls back and nods at him, her large eyes glistening with tears and her smile near blinding.

His own broadest smile erupted, bursting across his lips, and Rachel could sense his utter thankfulness that he'd gotten this right. His eyes bore into hers, and all she read in them was devotion. As he pulled her closer, tightening his arms around her back and waist, she now couldn't believe she'd doubted him.

She removed the last bit of distance between them, pressing her lips to his in a forceful kiss, and he responded eagerly, obliterating all thought. She kissed him recklessly, trying to express how much she truly loved him, and needed him, and how glad she was that he was here and loved her too.

They stayed for a long time, in an embrace that while now familiar, always managed to feel exhilaratingly new. They blended with their lips and their mouths and their hands, as flawlessly as they ever did with their voices. And when they finally paused to breathe, they remained as close as possible, foreheads pressed together, firm holds remaining.

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Reviews would be fantastically awesome.


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